The Performance

Hey guys, the show went horribly. For me. Edward Cooper won first prize for his stunning poem, "The Idiot I Pick On" it went like this.

"For today it is whole, tomorrow in half, Fredward's sad face, makes me laugh.
his tube sock collection, is a reflection, of himself, a troubled little whelp.
Any relation(s) to any person(s)' people(s), or wombat(s) alive or dead, in this poem is entirely not coincidental"

After that Edward came backstage, punched me in the face, and said, "I warmed em' ep for ya kid"
Then It was my turn. I looked out into the audience. My parents were out there in the front row wearing foam fingers and soda hats and saying, " That's our little MUNCHKIN up there!" and, " It seems like only yesterday when he was filling his diapers!" "That WAS yesterday sweetheart!" "Oh yeah!" I fidgeted on stage and tried to hide the growing bulge of my pampers tiptoyn ragtin diapers, Then I tried my best to recite my song, but I was all jumbled up.

"When you're sad, when you poo, just remember to wipe yourself with an anti disinfectant wipe, to yourself, and you will pee, pee like a horse! Pee Pony Princess, they're the stuff, made of "who cut the cheese?" Pretty Poopy Princess, just remember to wipe yourself with an anti disinfectant wipe, Poopy Peeing Princess! If they don't go on you I will!"

There was complete and utter silence. Well, accept for my parents cheering madly by themselves. I stood there for a second, bowed, (Phhht!) and walked off stage.