Celabrate!

Yo everyone! It's been a horrible September for me! Although I did get a new friend. Anyway, we are nearing our 10,000th click! If my blog makes it to there you will all get, NOTHING! With Halloween coming up in October, I have a feeling my life will be destroyed. By bye now!

The Performance

Hey guys, the show went horribly. For me. Edward Cooper won first prize for his stunning poem, "The Idiot I Pick On" it went like this.

"For today it is whole, tomorrow in half, Fredward's sad face, makes me laugh.
his tube sock collection, is a reflection, of himself, a troubled little whelp.
Any relation(s) to any person(s)' people(s), or wombat(s) alive or dead, in this poem is entirely not coincidental"

After that Edward came backstage, punched me in the face, and said, "I warmed em' ep for ya kid"
Then It was my turn. I looked out into the audience. My parents were out there in the front row wearing foam fingers and soda hats and saying, " That's our little MUNCHKIN up there!" and, " It seems like only yesterday when he was filling his diapers!" "That WAS yesterday sweetheart!" "Oh yeah!" I fidgeted on stage and tried to hide the growing bulge of my pampers tiptoyn ragtin diapers, Then I tried my best to recite my song, but I was all jumbled up.

"When you're sad, when you poo, just remember to wipe yourself with an anti disinfectant wipe, to yourself, and you will pee, pee like a horse! Pee Pony Princess, they're the stuff, made of "who cut the cheese?" Pretty Poopy Princess, just remember to wipe yourself with an anti disinfectant wipe, Poopy Peeing Princess! If they don't go on you I will!"

There was complete and utter silence. Well, accept for my parents cheering madly by themselves. I stood there for a second, bowed, (Phhht!) and walked off stage.

blogin from a cell

Hello everybody, I am bloggin from s fsncy gadget called a cell phone,it is hsrd typing eavh letter, anyway I'm getting ready to go to school and perform my wonderfull song. The reason that I am blogging from a phone is beacause I spilled a brownie on my computer and I can't use my moms because she says only "special" people can use it.well I gots ts go, ttyl, cu l8r, wish me luck with my incredible performance.

I'm Back

Hello compadres! Today I got home from my "vacation" and I'm enjoying being back in ol' Indianapolis! Today at school I waved hello to everyone and smiled at them. They backed away because they thought I was having gas. Also I discovered that tomorrow is the yearly talent show! I decided that I would preform the PPP theme song. I went home and began to practice.

When you're Sad, when you're blue,
Just remember to be true, to yourself,
And you will see, see your destiny! Pretty
Pony Princess! They're the stuff, made of
dreams! Pretty Pony Princess! Just think
of cookies, and ice creeeeeeam! Pretty Pony
Princess! Watch our show so it isn't discontinued!

I am so going to win.

Burnt to a Crisp

Sup pals? Today I was burnt by the scorching sun of California! I was just minding my own business, (Asking people their names, street addresses, and if they had pet yorkies.) when I let my frilly monogrammed parasol down for a second and felt the scorching rays of the mid afternoon sun. At first I didn't really feel anything, but then I got this severe pain in my spleen. Immediately I knew something was wrong with my outer skin, and I rushed to the nearest bathroom to look in the mirror. I looked like a sea radish that was left in the intestine too long, if ya know what I'm sayin'. Unfortunately I had dropped my parasol in my frantic attempt to get into the bathroom and i wasn't going to risk going out in the sun again. I watched as a hobo walked by and grabbed it and mumbled. "Mmmm.. Dinner all week." Then he took a BITE out of my parasol and walked away.

I had to stay in that small utterly disgusting bathroom all day. My parents apparently had driven home from our touring gift shops, back to the hotel and left me there. All afternoon there was this one weird guy asking me to take a "free" "sample" of his "health" juice. I just went into this stall and sat down on the toilet pulled out my laptop, and started blogging. Ooh, its nightfall! Time to get back to the hotel! Oh wait. That guy is still sticking his health juice under my stall door. Oh well, bye.

Food

Fredwardo here, and I'm here to say that I am like the pickiest eater in the whole world. My mom of course, doesn't realize that, and today she took away Agatha's Revenge and forced me to eat all of these disgusting "exotic" foods that would "nourish" me. First of all were the sea artichokes. (Artichokes dug up from the bottom of the legendary Ogre whale's intestine.) Next the sea radishes. ( Radishes dug up from the bottom of the legendary Ogre whale's intestine.) Then, came the stewed cabbage stuffed sea porpoise, served on rye with mayo. Next, there was the horrendously grotesque chocolate mousse with sprinkles on top. And finally, came the most horrible concoction ever to exist on the face of this Earth, The Yummy Tummy Ocean Special. Fourteen disgusting pounds of aged shark milk, aged sea urchin cheese, wild manta ray legs, and baby seahorse toenails, served in a pickled shrimp tortilla and topped with "filtered" wolf crab urine. I spent most of the night spilling my guts to the toilet and vowing that I would never force my children to "nourish" themselves. And of course now here I am, blogging on the hotel computer at midnight. Well, I have to go. Mom wants me to "rest" myself. I'll blog tomorrow. Bye bye now.

New Game

Hola Senoritas, today, I got a new video game! For the whole day I ignored the great seafood restaurants, the ocean, and the various petting zoos scattered throughout California, and just played Agatha's Revenge. (Even though it's banned and I had to buy it from a black market guy dressed as a wombat at the petting zoo.) It was the best two hundred and fifty seven dollars that I ever spent. The game is focused on Agatha, the flower queen of Pretty Pony Princess land, and her heroic deeds getting revenge on the evil vomit Goblins. The controls are tight. (Only twenty seconds between on screen action and the press of a button.) The graphics are amazing! ( Two Pixels per game sprite.) The sound is superb! ( Two beeps and one boop.) and the length of Gameplay? Don't even get me started. ( two minutes ) All in all, Agatha's revenge is the best ps3 game I've seen all year.

Hey

Yo everyone, California is not all that great. Ok, first of all, no one told me that giraffes are poisonous and that they bite, and second, Pretty Pony Princess is banned here. My family got pulled over by the cops because of all of my PPP clothing, and later that night at the hotel, we had to burn all of my clothes, toys, and dvd collections that were related to PPP. I also discovered the hard way, that I have a grotesque allergic reaction to salt water. I was at the beach and decided to get into the water. As I got in, I noticed a tingling sensation, I looked down and realized that my body was slowly disintegrating. Hours later at the emergency room, Mom softly sang me the PPP theme song until I fell asleep.

Vacation

Yo! My dad got a raise for getting this one wombat out that was REALLY stuck in this one guys toilet and I get a weeks vacation! We are going to California! I get to work on my tan, maybe see a giraffe, or a hippo, and we get to stay in a hotel that has BEDS! This vacation is going to be so groovy! I'll try to keep my thousands of blog followers happy by blogging every day but I mean, I don't know, I might be playing with dolphins or something, so don't cry too hard if I don't write a new post every day.

My parents

Ok, my parents are the most annoying people on this earth. My mom is a photographer and is always popping out of unexpected places flashing pictures of me. Like one time I was going to the bathroom and I lifted up the toilet seat. Flash! I slammed that seat down really hard. Then I flushed. About two minutes later my mom showed up on the front door soaking wet and with a concussion. She explained to me that she was taking pictures of people with naturally surprised faces. Then she took away Agatha Escapes from Russia, my favorite video game.

My dad is a plumber and he's always coming home saying stuff about people like "Why all the toilet paper?" and "Why can't people just throw their dead wombats in the garbage?" Although my dad is a plumber, he has never gotten around to fixing our upstairs toilet. We think it's possessed by the previous owner of this house. When we flush it, it always gurgles weird things like " Why Agatha? Why?" and "Why can't people just throw their dead wombats in the garbage?"

Anyway today I was just finishing going to the bathroom, ("Agatha.....") and I went downstairs to cook some pickled mandarins in the microwave. I opened the microwave, (Flash!) and crammed the mandarins in, set it on high for five hours, and went to my room to talk to Billy.

History of Nicknames.

Here is a history of all of the nicknames that I have gotten over the years.

Preschool- Freddypoop
Kindergarten- Fredsmells
First Grade- Freckleward
Second Grade- Rick
Third Grade- Geekward
Fourth Grade- Fredshmurd
Fifth Grade- Agatha
Sixth Grade- Fred the Spaz
Seventh Grade- Fredward the Spazmasta
Current- Fredwardo

Ridicule

Yo Fred here, the movie was amazing!!! The special effects were top notch, and the plot? Well lets just say that the writer, Chan Poauthe is going to win an award. Brad Pitt's Role as Agatha really inspired me to get in touch with my inner flower queen, Tom Cruise played the vomit goblin flawlessly, and Pat Hucone? He put the other toilets to shame. However, when I got to school the next morning and told everyone how great it was, they laughed and then said, "Fredward Dixonly watches Pretty Pony Princess!! What a girl! Ha ha ha! He's so dorky!, and um, a girl!! and um, dorky! He watches PPP!" Then I got a horrible nickname. Fredwardo. After the mystic vomit goblin. Curse you Chan Poauthe for making the goblins name so close to mine. I don't think that nickname is going away any time soon.

PPP the live action movie!!!!

OH MY GOSH!! There is going to be a full length live action Pretty Pony Princess MOVIE!! Smilie emote! :) It comes out tomorrow!! I can't wait! I have to tell Billy! BRAD PITT is going to be Agatha, the flower queen! Pat Hucone will play toilet #3 !! AND Tom Cruise is going to be Fredwardo, the mystic vomit goblin! Also there is an official trailer! Here it is.

PPP!!!!

Like, Oh my gosh! Yesterday I was shopping at the Girl Outlet Store Here, and I found these totally nifty Pretty Pony Princess Slippers! Of course with me being a devoted fan of the PPP movie trilogy, board game, trading cards, Saturday morning anime, books, and all thing Pretty Pony Princess, I made the best purchase of my life.

This morning I wore my PPP slippers to school to prove to everyone how cool I was. People acted afraid of me as soon as I walked in the building. Kids backed up against their lockers when I walked through the hall, Edward avoided me, and there were hushed wispers going around all day. These slippers.... I think.... They have power.... Then a teacher pulled me aside and asked if I was feeling ok, I said "Of course person who edjucates me!" Then she told me to take off the slippers and come into her office. Inside she gave me THE TALK. I know now that my slippers aren't appreaciated by 99.9 % percent of the known universe. I also now know where babies come from.

More Bully Trouble

Yo. Its me... Fred... I'm depressed... It all started in science class today. I got teamed up to do a social studies project with Edward. The Subject? How bullying affects people. I know right? Its downright horrible! When the teacher announced who was going to be Edwards partner I just sat there and tried not to pee too much. (nervous habit.) So that's how, after school EDWARD THE AWFFLE came to my house to work on the project. He didn't work on it at all. All he did was spit on my pile of fresh tube socks, spit on my model of a tube sock, and spit on my tube sock shaped lamp!
Then he called me a nerd! I replied, " Well at least my oral Hygiene isn't spiraling out of control at a disturbingly high velocity!" Then he replied, "Get out of my house!" "This is my house dope!" I said. Then he stuffed me into my smallest tube sock put me up on a hook and left.

My New Freind.

Yo it's the Spazmaster! My new friend is cool! He was the one who told me to make a blog. He also gives me good advice! (Bye Bye pocket protector. sniff. sniff. ) It actually kind of helped my rep at school today. Edward only spilled his lunch on me twice! (YAYYYYYYYY!) And this one girl LOOKED at me for a split second. I'm talking EYE TO EYE contact ( There's one for the dairy!) right before she spilled her lunch on me and went to collect five dollars from Edward.

Also me and Billy ( My Friend) are having some awesome adventures on IMVU. He wrote about them in his blog. Click here it go to Billy's Blog It's like totally wizzy and groovy and as the hippies say "cool"

Billy is probably the only Friend I have. So far our lives seem pretty similar. But his sadder than mine. Stay tuned for my next post!

The Game ( and a new freind)

Hi everyone, Its me Fred oh yeah DON"T CALL ME FREDWARD!!!! Today my mom made me try out for the football team which stinks because my body is probably better built for chess or shuffleboard or something like that. Also Edward the bully is on my team. He kept "accidentally" falling on me and tackling me and throwing pumped footballs into my face.
On a brighter note, after the hospital had cleaned me up I met a new person on IMVU. We were competing in a fashion contest against someone with the screen name IPummelFredward and we both lost to him. Well, actually the person that I met started cussing because his high heel broke and he got disqualified. Somehow we became friends. Maybe it was because we both lost. Maybe it was because he used my favorite cuss word. Maybe it was because we were both male IMVU players. Whatever the reason, we did.

Yo

Hi everyone! My name is Fredward! But most people call me The Spazmasta! Or at least my online I.M friends do. As the blogs title suggests, my life is sad. At school people say I'm nerdy, when in fact I am da coolest person there! My pocket protector is first class, my striped shirt is neatly tucked in with a belt and my shorts don't cover my tubesocks. Some people like the class Bully Edward Cooper think that they have the cool clothes! I mean his long mane of flowing hair, ripped t shirt, hoody, shorts that say "Fredward Goes here" on the back side, and no socks, combined with dc shoes with no laces is sooooo dorky! I think my look is the grooviest in the school!